IMO his is more effective...
And it doesn't look like you used it as an outline you just copied most of it word for word deleting some of the things he said
Similarities between yours and his:
(Also the "I am looking for a owner with" line)
You added a whopping 7 words to his "outline".
He probably has very little knowledge of coding and assumes that Java and JavaScript are same/used together like many people in the world that haven't taken the time to learn :p.
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