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BOOP

Director of Ops @ Zelphra
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GOPHER

shoots out of a pneumatic tube.
Salutes Auto.
Eve immediately remembers him from the Pod Bay.
She BEEPS a warning to the Captain.

CAPTAIN

Gopher?

Gopher activates his suspension beam.

69.


Snatches the plant away from the Captain.

CAPTAIN

Hey! That's my plant. This is mutiny!
(to Eve)
Eve, arrest him!

Eve draws her GUN ARM. Points it at Gopher.
The robot raises his epaulet arms.
Don't shoot!
She opens her chest cavity.
Motions for Gopher to put the plant inside her.

CAPTAIN

Eve, you are to put this plant straight
in the Holo-detector.

Gopher slowly advances towards Eve.
But then tosses the plant across the room...

...down the TRASH CHUTE.

CAPTAIN

No!

EVE

(hums)
[Oh no!]

It's over.
The plant is gone.
But in that frozen moment...

ON TRASH CHUTE

...THE PLANT suddenly reappears.
Rises like a ghost, up from the chute.
Wall-E's head follows.
Unawares of the plant resting on his head.

WALL-E

Ee-vah?

CAPTAIN & EVE
WALL-E!!

Wall-E straddles the top of the lip chute.
The plant drops onto his chest.
Wall-E looks at it with surprise.

WALL-E

(beeps)
[Hey, the plant.]

70.



CAPTAIN & EVE

Wall-E! The plant!...[Toss it! Over here!]

Wall-E is slow to understand.
Finally picks up the plant.
Anticipates to throw it, when...
...Auto lowers right in front of him, trying to block.

AUTOPILOT

Give me the plant.

Eve moves to help Wall-E.
But Gopher traps her in his suspension beam.

Wall-E dodges Auto's multi-arm advances.
Defiantly tosses the plant into his chest.
Slams it shut.

WALL-E

(beeps)
[You can't have it!]

Auto flips open one of his handles.
Produces a TASER...

...and ELECTROCUTES Wall-E.

Wall-E's chest circuitry blows out.
He wheezes...
...then drops lifelessly down the chute.

Eve screams.
Gopher floats her trapped form over to Auto.
The button on her DEFECT BOOT is pressed.
She shuts down.

INSIDE THE GARBAGE CHUTE

Gopher's ray holds Eve over the opening.
Drops her down the chute.
She bangs against the sides as she tumbles.

BACK IN THE CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS

Gopher salutes Auto and exits.
Auto turns to the Captain.
He is in shock.

AUTOPILOT

All communications are terminated. You
are confined to quarters.

The power shuts off in the room.
Auto rises back up through the ceiling...

71.



DOWN SHOT THROUGH BRIDGE FLOOR APERTURE

The Captain looks up.
Shakes his fist in fury.

CAPTAIN
NO! MUTINY! MUTINY! MUTINEEEEE!!

The aperture closes TO BLACK.

Beat.

ON EVE'S POV

Black.
The word "REBOOT" suddenly flashes.
Her view comes into focus.
Scans around. Disoriented.


INT. GARBAGE DEPOT - SAME

Eve lies in a seemingly endless WAREHOUSE OF TRASH.
Trash, slime, and robot parts everywhere.
Piles dumped from a variety of CEILING CHUTES.

Eve looks down.
COMPUTER MICE crawl over her.
One of them has crawled over her REBOOT button.
Switched her back on.

EVE

Wall-E!

A warning alarm sounds.
Eve spots a PLATFORM, loaded with GIANT TRASH CUBES.
It slides into an AIRLOCK.
Inner shield doors lock and seal.

SHIP'S COMPUTER (V.O.)

Caution: Activating airlock
disposal...Activating airlock disposal.

The exterior hatch flies open.
The vacuum of space instantly sucks out the cubed trash.

Eve begins to panic.
Calls out again:

EVE

Wall-E!

Suddenly, her area is flooded in light.
She flinches at the sight of

72.



TWO GIANT COMPACTOR ROBOTS

as they rumble up behind her.
Headlights for eyes.
They bear a slight resemblance to Wall-E.
"WALL-A" emblazoned on their fronts.
Each grab a ton of trash at once.
Eve is swept up with the junk.
Compact it. Spit it out...

...Eve now trapped in the side of a giant cube.

Her cube is picked up.
Transported to a waiting platform.
Stacked with other massive cubes.
Eve discovers...

...Wall-E trapped in the cube next to her.

EVE

Wall-E!

He groans.
Not doing well.

Again the alarms kick in.
The platform slides on rails...
...across the safety line...
...into the airlock...
...the inner shield doors begin to close...

INSIDE THE AIRLOCK

Eve needs to act fast.
Her gun arm stuck inside the cube.
Struggles to activate it...
...It cocks.
BLASTS herself free.
Flies over to Wall-E.
He's stuck deep in the cube...

BACK IN THE GARBAGE DEPOT

M-O suddenly drops from a ceiling chute.
Lands in a pile of trash.
Covered with filth.

M-O

[Primal scream.]

ON M-O'S DISPLAY POV

Piles of trash everywhere.
The airlock doors closing in the distance.

73.


ZOOMS IN and locks on Wall-E.
His screen reads: "FOREIGN CONTAMINANT".

M-O

(beeps)
[I have you now!]

M-O speeds towards the airlock.

ON EVE

Tugs on Wall-E.
Desperate to free him.
He's slow to pull loose...

...THE GAP in the doors narrows...

...Eve's never going to make it...

ON M-O

Racing towards the doors.
He's almost at the airlock...
The doors SLAM tight against his roller arms.
M-O is stuck.

The exterior hatch opens:
...Eve yanks Wall-E free...
...The trash flies out into space...
...She flies against the force...
...Fights to reach M-O...
...Grabs onto his roller...

INSIDE THE GARBAGE DEPOT

The WALL-As notice M-O stuck in the door.
Slam the EMERGENCY SHUT-OFF BUTTON for the airlock.
The exterior hatch closes.

Eve and Wall-E fall to the ground in a heap.
Safe.
M-O still stuck in the door.
Shaking uncontrollably with fear.

M-O

Whoa.

MOMENTS LATER

The WALL-As light up a SMALL WORK SPACE.
Eve props Wall-E up against some trash.
He's barely functioning.
Fades in and out of consciousness.
Just his red "warning" light flashes on his meter.

74.



EVE

("Stay awake.")
Wall-E...

Eve gently opens his chest cavity.
Examines the damage.
Carefully pulls out his CIRCUIT BOARD.
Charred. Shorting out.
Irreparable.
She flies off into the depot.
Searches for a new circuit board.

M-O dutifully cleaning Wall-E.
Finishes up.
His DISPLAY POV reads: "All clean."
M-O closes up. Satisfied.
Wall-E feebly offers his hand in gratitude.

WALL-E

(weak)
Wall-E.

M-O stares at the filthy hand.
Cleans it.
Then shakes.

M-O
M-O.

They sit in awkward silence for a beat.

WALL-E

(Really?)
M-O?

M-O
M-O.

WALL-E

(Got it.)
M-O.

Eve returns with FOUND CIRCUIT BOARDS.
Shows each one to Wall-E.
Will any of these work?
He shakes his head with a frail "no."

Wall-E opens his compactor.
Pulls out the plant.

WALL-E

(weak)
Di...rec...tive.

75.



Eve holds the plant.
Her "RETURN TO AXIOM SUPERIOR" flashes in her display.
She considers it for a moment...
...then tosses the plant to the floor.
I don't care about the plant anymore.
She holds her hand out to him.

EVE

Directive.

Wall-E struggles to lift his hand to Eve's.
He reaches out...

...and bats her hand away.

Surprises Eve.
Wall-E pushes past her.
Crawls over to the discarded plant.
Gives it back to Eve.

WALL-E

(weak)
Errr.....

Eve can't make out what he is saying.
Wall-E fumbles around his box.
Pulls out...
...the Zippo lighter.
Lights it.
Eve stares at the flame.

EVE

Earth?

Wall-E nods.

WALL-E

Earth.

He moves his binocular eyes up and down.
Like the time he fixed his broken eye.
You can fix me, Eve.
With spare parts in my truck.
The truck that is back on...

EVE

Earth! Earth!

Her eyes light up.
She understands!
No time to lose.
She scoops him up...

76.



WALL-E
M-O?

M-O

("I'm comin'!")
Wall-E!

M-O rushes over to Wall-E.

Hangs onto his IGLOO LATCH with his roller.
Eve raises her gun arm...
...Blasts a HOLE IN THE CEILING.
Takes off with the two of them.
Up through the garbage chute.
The WALL-As wave goodbye.


INT. ROBOT SERVICE TUNNEL - NIGHT

A steward moves down the hall.
Siren wailing.
Scans for rogue robots.
Eve and Wall-E's "Warning" image on his display screen.
He stops in front of...

A YELLOW LINE

painted haphazardly on the floor.
Follows it to a STORAGE CLOSET door.

STEWARD

Wrong.

The steward opens the closet.
Inside, a PAINT-BOT hides his head in the corner.
The yellow line leads straight to his rear brush.
The Steward apprehends him with his SUSPENSION BEAM.

Suddenly, everything begins to shake.
The steward looks around, confused.
A JET ENGINE NOISE builds.
Seems to be coming from...

...the hallway TRASH CHUTE.

Eve, Wall-E & M-O burst out from it.
The paint-bot recognizes Wall-E.
Beeps the POYSC song.
Our savior has arrived!
The steward's alarm goes haywire.

ON STEWARD'S POV DISPLAY

He takes a snapshot:
Eve, holding Wall-E, holding the plant...

77.


...and Eve is aiming her gun straight at camera.

ANGLE ON STORAGE CLOSET - MOMENTS LATER

The terrified steward is thrown in.

STEWARD

Please hold. We are currently having
technical difficul -- !

Eve locks the door on him.
The trio take off down the hall.
The freed paint-bot gives chase.
Cheers POYSC as he follows.
Wall-E, only half-functioning, gets an idea.
Presses his PLAY BUTTON.
POYSC BLARES through the hallway.

ON VARIOUS HALLWAYS

REJECTS come out of hiding as they hear the music.
Parade after Eve and Wall-E.
Hum POYSC.
All following the pied piper.

ON SCREENS AROUND THE AXIOM

Eve and Wall-E's "Wanted" image instantly circulates.
Alarms sound.
Alert screens pop up around the sleeping ship.

SHIP'S COMPUTER (V.O.)

Caution: Rogue robots...Caution: Rogue
robots...


INT. BRIDGE

Auto observes the same "Wanted" image.

AUTO

Not possible.

Raises a screen showing a DECK PLAN OF THE AXIOM.
It highlights Eve and Wall-E's location.
Auto activates every steward on the Axiom.

ON VARIOUS LOCATIONS ON THE AXIOM - NIGHT

Stewards eject from their wall stations.
Like ATMs jumping to life.
Race in the direction of Eve.
Carelessly knock over stray passengers in their way.

78.



SHIP'S COMPUTER (V.O.)

...Caution: Rogue Robots...

BACK ON THE BRIDGE

Auto watches the deck plan display.
Monitors the progress of all the stewards.
The CAMERA DROPS THROUGH THE FLOOR, down to...

THE CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS

The Captain, still trapped.
Rams his hover chair against the locked elevator door.
Has no effect.

CAPTAIN

(hoarse; exhausted)
Mutinyyy...Mute...neee...This is your
last chance...Auto...You hear
me?...Stupid...wheel...

SHIP'S COMPUTER (V.O.)

...Caution: Rogue robots...Caution: Rogue
robots...

A flashing light catches his attention.
Outside his window.
He looks up on the SKY DOME...
A GIANT "WANTED" IMAGE of Eve and Wall-E, holding...


CAPTAIN

The plant!

The Captain's eyes light up.
Glances down at the OPEN MANUAL on the floor.
"Plant icon + Holo-detector icon = Earth"
He is filled with renewed determination.

CAPTAIN

(Laughs) We'll see who's powerless now.

Lays flat in his chair.
Floats under his VANITY CONSOLE like a grease monkey.
Pulls off the underside panel.

CAPTAIN

Ah-Ha!

Yanks out a bundle of wiring.
Cross-connects two wires.
The console powers up...

79.




INT. ROBOT SERVICE TUNNELS - NIGHT

Eve zooms through the hallways.
A BAND OF REJECTS track behind them.
They reach an intersection when...

...The CAPTAIN'S FACE appears on holo-screens all around
them.

CAPTAIN (OVER INTERCOM)

Testing, testing... Is this thing on?

ALL AROUND THE AXIOM

All screens display the Captain's live feed.
He's absolutely everywhere.
A few stray passengers are still up.
Watch their screens in confusion.


INT. BRIDGE - NIGHT

Auto watches the Captain on the holo-screen.
Furiously tries to shut off the intercom.

BACK ON EVE AND WALL-E

CAPTAIN (OVER INTERCOM)

Psssst! Hey! Hey! This is the Captain I'm
locked in my room. Eve, Wall-E, bring the
plant to the Lido Deck. I'll have
activated the holo-detector. Now hurry!
Auto's probably going to cut me off --

The screens all go dead.
Eve and Wall-E look at each other with determination.
They're about to continue on when...

A WALL OF STEWARDS block their path.

STEWARDS

Halt.

Dozens of them stand in a row.
Eve fires her gun. Destroys a steward.
Another one quickly takes its place.
Traps her arm with its SUSPENSION BEAM.
She can't shoot.
The stewards advance, when suddenly...

...the Rejects charge the stewards:

...The beautician-bot deflects rays with her mirrors...
...The vacu-bot sneezes dust in their faces...

80.


...The defib-bot shocks them with her paddles...
...The umbrella-bot opens up...
...Shields the others from the attack...

BEHIND THE UMBRELLA-BOT

A weak Wall-E activates his welding beam.
Shorts out the Massage-bot's ENERGY STRAIGHTJACKET.
It goes berserk.
Leaps at the entire army of Stewards.
Robot parts fly everywhere.
Eve and Wall-E can't watch the carnage.

BACK IN THE CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS

He sets Eve's CYLINDRICAL DEVICE on the floor behind him.
It projects her stored memories.

UP ON THE BRIDGE

Auto watches steward blips disappear from his screen.
A MESSAGE SCREEN pops up.
It's the Captain.

...and he's holding the plant?

CAPTAIN (ON SCREEN)

Ha, ha! Look what I got, Auto!

Auto's single lens irises wide.

AUTO

Not possible.

CAPTAIN (ON SCREEN)

That's right! The plant! Oh, you want it?
Come and get it, Blinky!

AUTO

No.


INT. CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS - SAME

The Captain hovers in front of Eve's memory screen.
It projects a STILL IMAGE OF WALL-E HOLDING THE PLANT.
The Captain blocks the camera's view of Wall-E.
Pretends to be holding the projected plant himself.

CAPTAIN

Ha ha!

HEARS AUTO coming.
Turns off the vid-com.

81.


Yanks his bundle of wires out of the wall.
The room goes dark again.

CLOSE ON CEILING

The aperture opens.
Auto lowers into the dark.
Cautiously searches the empty room...

AUTO

Captain? Captain...?

ON AUTO'S POV

PANS across the portraits of other captains...
...past our present Captain...
...The eyes in the portrait dart nervously...
-- wait a minute.

The Captain lunges at him.
Grabs Auto by the steering wheel.
Hangs onto it like Cap'n Ahab in a gale.
His lower extremities of no use.

AUTO

Let go. Let go.

Auto panics.
Zips back up through the hole in the ceiling.
The Captain gets stuck between floors...

CAPTAIN

What too heavy for ya, huh?!

UP ON THE BRIDGE

...Auto tries to pull free.
The Captain won't let go.
Auto ends up yanking him through.
The Captain rides Auto like a bucking bronco.
Auto swings violently back and forth.

CAPTAIN

You're not getting away from me, one-eye!
-- OOF! -- Is that all you got?!

Gopher drops out of his pneumatic tube.
Sees the Captain fighting Auto.
Charges at the Captain...

...who kicks him straight out the window...

ON LIDO DECK

82.



Gopher plummets...
...his SHADOW growing over the POOL...
...and smashes in a heap on the cement.
The end.

ON WALL-E AND EVE

We PAN OVER the smoking wreckage of the stewards.
The massage-bot floats above it all.
Pants like a wild beast.
One steward still twitches.
The massage-bot crushes him with one blow.

Eve grabs Wall-E and the plant.
They take off for the Concourse Level.
M-O and the Rejects follow behind.

ON THE BRIDGE

CAPTAIN

That's it!...A little closer!
Must..press...button.

The Captain reaches his one free hand out for...
...the HOLO-DETECTOR BUTTON.

CAPTAIN

Gotcha! Ha ha!

His hand slams down hard on it.
KLAXONS sound all over the ship.

VARIOUS ANGLES AROUND THE AXIOM

...Floodlights kick on everywhere...
...The LIDO DECK POOLS automatically cover up...
...Stray PASSENGERS pause to take in the alarms...
...SPACE-LIFE PRESERVERS burst from their hover chairs...
...Inflate around their necks...
...GREEN LINES appear on the floors...
...SLEEPING PASSENGERS are involuntarily led out of their
cabins...
...Every hover chair follows the illuminated lines...

The procedure is completely automated.
The passengers are all confused.
Helpless to stop it.


INT. LIDO DECK

The passengers glide in by the thousands.
Form concentric circles over the closed-up pools.
Fill the multi-storied balconies on all sides.

83.



ON JOHN AND MARY

They arrive together at the Lido Deck.
Mary notices a group of toddlers scared and crying.
A NANNY-BOT tries vainly to placate them.

NANNY-BOT

Remain calm. Remain calm.

CLOSE ON BRIDGE PLAZA

The BNL LOGO on the floor rotates.
A large cylindrical device rises from the stage...

...The ship's HOLO-DETECTOR.

JUMBOTRONS activate on the dome.
Show the bridge.
Everyone can see the Captain wrestling Auto.
He tries to speak to them during the fight:

CAPTAIN

(strained; in command)
Ladies and Gentlemen! This is your
Captain speaking! We're having a slight
malfunction with the Autopilot! Please
remain calm!

The passengers get caught up in the conflict.
Treat it as if it were a televised fight.

ON THE REAR OF THE DECK

Eve and Wall-E fly out of the transport tunnel.
Make a beeline for the holo-detector.
Ready and waiting for the plant...

...almost there...

ON BRIDGE

AUTO

Enough.

Auto furiously spins his wheel.
Throws the Captain to the floor.
The entire ship lists dangerously to one side.

ON LIDO DECK

Eve and Wall-E slam into the holo-detector's side.
Wall-E drops the plant.
It tumbles off the bridge plaza.
Eve is forced to set Wall-E down.

84.


He clings to the holo-detector.
She flies off to retrieve the plant.

The hover chairs stay locked on their lines.
Passengers all slip off their chairs.
Their uniform color defaults back to RED.
Slowly slide across the deck.
And for the first time...
...all of humanity reaches out to one another.
CLOSE UPS of hands holding hands.

Everyone piles up on the listing side.
The plant is buried underneath the mass of humanity.
Eve searches desperately amongst them.

ON JOHN & MARY

They hang together off their chairs.
CRYING TODDLERS just above them.
The kiddies slip out of their hover rings.
Mary GASPS in horror.
Yells to John:

MARY

John, get ready to have some kids!

They purposefully let go of their chairs.
Grab hands, forming a human chain.
Catch the toddlers.
All slide together down the Lido Deck.
The TODDLERS GIGGLE the whole way down.
They land at the bottom, next to Eve.

An empty monorail car tips off the upper deck...
...lands on the pool level.
It begins sliding down the Lido Deck.
Smashes vacant hover chairs in its wake.

MARY

(Gasp)
LOOK OUT!

Eve looks up. Sees the Monorail sliding towards them.
She stops the car before it hits.
Struggles to hold it up.
Can't let it crush the passengers below her.

ON BRIDGE

Auto keeps the ship tilted.
Glides over to the HOLO-DETECTOR BUTTON.
Switches it off.

ON LIDO DECK

85.



The holo-detector begins to lower back into the floor...
Wall-E is still hanging onto it.
Barely functioning.
He uses all his strength...

...and wedges himself under the UPPER LIP of the detector.

Stops it from disappearing into the floor.
The pressure squeezes Wall-E into a box.

ON BRIDGE

The holo-detector button buzzes and flashes.
Something's wrong.
Auto calls up a LIDO DECK SECURITY CAMERA VIEW.
Discovers Wall-E wedged in the device.

AUTO

No.

Auto presses down on the "off" button.

ON WALL-E

The holo-detector's hydraulics fight against him.
Wall-E desperately fights to hold it up.
Begins slowly to expand himself...

...and push the holo-detector back up!!

ON BRIDGE

The Captain watches Wall-E's heroic rise on screen.
Auto flips out his TASER.
Jams it into the "off" button.
Short circuits it.

CAPTAIN
NO!!

BACK ON WALL-E

The holo-detector reverses full force.
Crushes Wall-E.
We can't tell if he survived the crush.

Eve calls out for him.
Trapped, holding up the monorail car above the passengers.

BACK ON BRIDGE

The Captain watches Wall-E being crushed.
That's it.
He braces his arms against the floor...

86.


...and rises up on HIS OWN TWO FEET...

ON JUMBOTRON SCREEN

The passengers collectively GASP.
Their Captain is standing...
...and walking himself up the railing...
...towards Auto!
They CHEER!

ON BRIDGE

Auto hears the distant cheering.
Wonders what's up.

CAPTAIN (O.S.)

Auto!

Auto whips around.
Shocked to see the Captain standing (albeit wobbly).
Finds himself face to face with him.
Auto flips out his TASER.
Rushes at him.
The Captain grabs it. They wrestle.
The taser ARCS in the Captain's face.
He flinches. Looks up.
Sees a CONTROL PANEL high up on Auto's column...

...and smirks.

The Captain looks Auto in the eye.
Raises a finger up to the control panel...
...to the "AUTOPILOT" BUTTON...
...and flicks the switch to "MANUAL".

CAPTAIN

(grits his teeth)
Auto, you are relieved of duty.

AUTO

Noo --

Auto is instantly turned off.
The Captain smiles triumphantly.
Grabs the wheel with both hands.
Makes the ship level again.

ON LIDO DECK

The passengers all spill across the deck.
Shaken but OK.
Eve sets the monorail down.
Rockets over to the holo-detector.

87.



Wall-E is pinned under the lip of the holo-detector.
Eve tries to lift it up.
It won't budge.
She looks back to the crowd.

EVE
PLANT! PLANT!

ON M-O

He searches the crowd for the plant.
Humans begin to stand for the first time all around him.
Through his POV he spots the plant mixed in among them.
"FOREIGN CONTAMINANT" flashes on his display screen.

ON EVE

She fights to keep the machine from crushing Wall-E further.

M-O (O.S.)

Ee-vah!

M-O holds the plant up from across the Lido Deck.
The vacu-bot shoots it into the hands of a passenger.
Humans and robots form an impromptu fire line.
Toss it up to Eve on stage.
She shoves the plant into the device.
The detector instantly scans the plant.

SHIP'S COMPUTER (V.O.)

Plant origin verified. Course set for
Earth.

Slowly, the holo-detector rises...
Wall-E topples out from underneath.
Badly crushed and leaking oil.
Eve GASPS in horror.
M-O and the Rejects avert their eyes.
Passengers recoil as well.

WIDE ON DOME CEILING

It converts into a GIANT STAR CHART.
Rapidly plots a course for Earth.

SHIP'S COMPUTER (V.O.)

Ten seconds to hyperjump.

Eve lifts Wall-E up.
No sign of life.

EVE

No! WALL-E!!

88.



M-O's head drops in despair.
The passengers witness grief for the first time.
Begin to have new feelings of their own: sadness, sympathy.
Mary begins to cry.
Buries her head in John's shoulder.

MARY

Oh no! Wall-E...

SHIP'S COMPUTER

Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four,
three, two, one, zero.

The ceiling countdown hits "0:00."


EXT. AXIOM

The ship jumps to light speed.

BACK INSIDE

The passengers and robots are thrown off their feet.
Everyone holds on to one another.


INT. BRIDGE

The Captain struggles to keep control of the steering wheel.
Fights the G-forces.


INT. LIDO DECK

Humans and robots hang on for dear life.
John and Mary cling to each other and the babies.

ON EVE

She holds tightly to Wall-E.
Still calling out his name.
No response.

ON SPACE

The Axiom zooms through hyperspace.


EXT. EARTH - HILLSIDE - DAY

The cockroach waits obediently on the hill.
Exactly where Wall-E told him to stay.
His antennae twitch with boredom.

89.



A RED DOT

appears on the ground.
The cockroach watches the dot run down the hillside.
The ground begins to shake.
Daylight dims.
The insect looks to the sky.

ON CLOUD COVER

A DARK PATCH grows behind the clouds.
Blots out the sunlight.
The Axiom's keel breaks through.
Its shadow swallows up the entire landscape.

The cockroach senses his master's return.
HUNDREDS OF RED DOTS rush past him.
He eagerly chases after them.

ON AXIOM

The city-size starliner lowers gracefully from the sky.
Pushes back the clouds to the horizon.


EXT. OPPOSITE SIDE OF BAY - AXIOM PORT

The CIRCLE OF DOTS triangulate over the abandoned berth.
Converge over the port's LANDING SHAFT.
Thousands of feet deep.
The ship's keel descends into it.
The earth shudders.
Trash towers tumble in the distance.

...Then all is quiet.

ON BELLY OF THE AXIOM

A ROW OF GIANT DOORS open on the side of the ship.
MULTIPLE GANGWAYS automatically extend.
Connect with BUILT-IN TERMINALS on the port.

The Captain walks out gingerly.
Holding the boot w/ plant.
The other passengers step out on their own legs.
Wobble like toddlers.
They squint up at the harsh sunlight.
A commotion is heard from the back.
Somebody trying to push through.

EVE

appears out of the crowd.
Cradles a BOXED UP WALL-E in her arms.

90.


M-O and the Rejects follow behind her.
They rush across the gangway.

The cockroach meets up with Eve.
Climbs up onto Wall-E.
Doesn't understand why his master isn't responding.
Eve urgently scans the landscape.
Locks on to WALL-E'S TRUCK in the distance.
She takes to the air.
M-O and the Rejects chase after her down the gangway.

M-O

(beeps)
[Eve! Wait!]

The Captain respectfully removes his hat.
Good luck, friend.


INT. WALL-E'S TRUCK

The interior is dark and still.
Suddenly the junk jingles and clinks as the back door opens.
Eve flies inside with Wall-E.
Sets him on the floor.

She scans the rotating shelves at high speed.
Grabs a CAR JACK.
Ratchets up Wall-E's crushed body...

QUICK SHOTS

...SPARE PARTS being grabbed by Eve...
...Frantically installs the new parts into Wall-E...
...Her arms a blur of precision in motion...
...Replaces his damaged CIRCUIT BOARD. The final piece...
...She opens his new solar panels...

...and BLASTS a hole in the ceiling with her gun.

OUT ON THE EMPTY BAY

The rejects stop.
See the roof of Wall-E's truck explode.
Oh no.

BACK IN THE TRUCK

A shaft of sunlight beams down on Wall-E.
Eve holds her breath, watches...
Waits...

...Beep...
...Beep...

91.



WALL-E (O.S.)

(Apple "reboot" SFX)

Wall-E's meter fully charges.
His head slowly rises from his box.
Blinks.
The cockroach hops with joy.
Eve is relieved.

...She holds out her hand to him.

EVE

(with love)
Wall-E...

Wall-E gives her a blank stare.
He turns away from Eve. Motors out the truck.
She grabs him.
Turns him back around.

EVE

(It's me!)
Eve!

Wall-E just stares.
Doesn't seem to know who she is.

EVE

(hums)
[Here, look at these.]

She grabs the RUBIK'S CUBE and LIGHT BULB from the shelf.
The light bulb glows in her hand.
She gives them to Wall-E.
No reaction.

EVE

(Remember?)
Wall-E?

Wall-E looks blankly at the junk on the shelves.

EVE

(hums)
[I know!]

She hovers over to the video player.
Plays HELLO DOLLY.
Looks back to see if it has any effect.

Wall-E is over at the shelves.
Has scooped all his prized possessions into his compactor.
Crushes them into a cube.
Eve is gut-punched.

92.


Wall-E motors outside.
Runs over the cockroach on his way out.
The insect pops back to life.
Watches his friend in shock.


EXT. WALL-E'S TRUCK - DAY

Wall-E rolls up to a nearby trash pile.
Scoops up trash. Spits out a cube.
Eve hovers over to him.
Still in disbelief.

EVE

(somber)
No.

Wall-E continues to stack his cubes.
She stops him.
Lifts his head. Stares into his eyes.
Nobody home.
Eve presses his "play" button.
Nothing but STATIC.
Eve begins to panic.
Shakes him.

EVE

Wall-E...Wall-E! WALL-E!

No response.
He's gone.
She hovers in silence next to him for a long time...

Finally, Eve grasps Wall-E's hand.
Forces his fingers to interlace with hers.
Holds him close one last time.
Leans her head against his.
Hums softly.

EVE

[Hums IOTAM]

She touches her forehead to his.
Goodbye Wall-E.
A TINY SPARK between them.

Eve turns to hover away.
Jerked back.
Her fingers caught between his.
She checks his eyes again.
Nothing.

But then...

93.


...a tiny SERVO NOISE.
She looks down at their hands.

CLOSE ON WALL-E'S FINGERS

They start to move.
Slowly close around Eve's.

She looks back at his face.
Wall-E's eyes gradually come into focus.
His brows raise...

WALL-E

Ee-vah?

EVE

Wall-E!

He notices their hands entwined.
His dream come true.

WALL-E

(amazed)
Ee-vah!!

She giggles.

INSIDE THE TRUCK

The "Hello Dolly" tape reaches the finale of IOTAM.

"And that is all that love's about..."

BACK OUTSIDE

Eve and Wall-E stare into each other's eyes.
M-O and the Rejects finally reach the truck.
They begin to celebrate.
Wall-E's alive!
Then M-O realizes they need privacy.
Herds the Rejects O.S.

M-O

Go! Go, go go!

Wall-E and Eve's foreheads touch.
Together now and ever more.

"...and we'll recall when time runs out..."

DISSOLVE TO:

CLOSE UP OF THE PLANT

94.



Newly planted in the earth.
Small hands water it gently.
PULL OUT to reveal it surrounded by kids.
The Captain instructs them.
John and Mary help unload equipment from the Axiom.
Robots and passengers stream off the ship.

CAPTAIN

This is called "farming"! You kids are
going to grow all kinds of plants:
vegetable plants, pizza plants!
(laughs)
Ahh, it's good to be home...

The CAMERA PULLS OUT from the Axiom...
...over the bay...

"...That it only took a moment..."

...past Wall-E & Eve holding hands in his truck...
...over M-O and the Rejects cleaning outside...
...Through the trash towers of the city...
...past a FIELD OF PLANTS, sprouting from its peak...
...up through the cloud cover...
...out into space...

"...To be loved a whole life long."

...and settles on...
...our single...
...drab...
...brown...
...little planet.

IRIS OUT


THE END
 

TrippieWrld

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In Congress, July 4, 1776.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
 

Yandere

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{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.

But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only

be broken by love's first kiss.

She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing

dragon.

Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,

but non prevailed.

She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest

tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.

{Laughing}

Like that's ever gonna happen.

{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}

What a load of -



Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'

Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see

So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey, now You're an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder

You're bundled up now but wait till you get older

But the meteor men beg to differ

Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin

The water's getting warm so you might as well swim

My world's on fire

How 'bout yours

That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored

Hey, now, you're an all-star

{Shouting}

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

{Belches}

Go!

Go!

{Record Scratching}

Go. Go.Go.

Hey, now, you're an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold



-Think it's in there?

-All right. Let's get it!

-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?

-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.

{Laughs}

-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.

Now, ogres - - They're much worse.

They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.

-No!

-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!

Actually, it's quite good on toast.

-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!

{Gasping}

-Right.

{Roaring}

{Shouting}

{Roaring}

{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.

{Gasping}

{Laughs}

{Laughing} And stay out!

"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."

{Sighs}

{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.

-Take it away!

{Gasps}

-Move it along. Come on! Get up!

-Next!

-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.

That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!

-Get up! Come on!

-Twenty pieces.

{Thudding}

-Sit down there!

-Keep quiet!

{Crying}

-This cage is too small.

-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.

I can change. Please! Give me another chance!

-Oh, shut up.

-Oh!

-Next!

-What have you got?

-This little wooden puppet.

-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.

-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

-Father, please! Don't let them do this!

-Help me!

-Next! What have you got?

-Well, I've got a talking donkey.

{Grunts}

-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.

-Oh, go ahead, little fella.

-Well?

-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.

He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -

-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.

I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.

-Get her out of my sight.

-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

{Gasps}

-Hey! I can fly!

-He can fly!

-He can fly!

-He can talk!

-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly

but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!

Oh-oh.

{Grunts}

-Seize him!

-After him! He's getting away!

{Grunts, Gasps}

{Man}

-Get him! This way! Turn!

-You there. Orge!

-Aye?

-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under

arrest

and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.

-Oh, really? You and what army?

{Gasps, Whimpering}

{Chuckles}

-Can I say something to you?

-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.

Incredible!

Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!

-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great

back here? Those guards!

They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They

was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made

me feel good to see that.

-Oh, that's great. Really.

-Man, it's good to be free.

-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?

Hmm?

-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by

myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.

You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit

out of anybody that crosses us.

{Roaring}

-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that

don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you

definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!

You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -

{Mumbling}

Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my

butt that day.

-Why are you following me?

-I'll tell you why.



'Cause I'm all alone

There's no one here beside me

My promlems have all gone

There's no one to deride me

But you gotta heve friends - -



-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.

-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.

-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?

-Uh - - Really tall?

-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't

that bother you?

-Nope.

-Really?

-Really, really.

-Oh.

-Man, I like you. What's you name?

-Uh, Shrek.

-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?

You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.

I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.

Who'd want to live in place like that?

-That would be my home.

-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a

decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I

like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.

-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?

-I like my privacy.

-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I

hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them

a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.

-Can I stay with you?

-Uh, what?

-Can I stay with you, please?

-Of course!

-Really?

-No.

-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to

be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta

stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

-Okay! Okay! But one night only.

-Ah! Thank you!

-What are you - - No! No!

-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,

and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.

-Oh!

-Where do, uh, I sleep?

-Outside!

-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you

don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.

{Sniffles}

-Here I go.

-Good night.

{Sighs}

-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.

I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,

outside.



I'm all alone

There's no one here beside me

{Bubbling}

{Sighs}

{Creaking}

{Sighs}

-I thought I told you to stay outside.

-I'm outside.

{Clattering}

-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we

have?

-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.

-What a lovely bed.

-Got ya.

{Sniffs} I found some cheese.

-Ow! {Grunts}

-Blah! Awful stuff.

-Is that you, Gorder?

-How did you know?

-Enough! What are you doing in my house?

{Grunts}

-Hey!

{Snickers}

-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.

-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.

-Huh?

{Gusps}

{Male voice} What?

-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I

have to do get a little privacy?

-Aah!

-Oh, no. No! No!

{Cackling}

-What?

-Quit it.

-Don't push.

{Squeaking}

{Lows}

- What are you doing in my swamp?

{Echoing}

Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!

{Gasping}

-Oh, dear!

-Whoa!

-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go!

Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!

-Quickly. Come on!

-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.

-Oh!

{Sighs}

-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.

-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.

-What?

-We were forced to come here.

-By who?

-Lord Farquaad.

-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.

{Sighs}

-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?

{Murmuring}

-Oh, I do. I know where he is.

-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?

-Me! Me!

-Anyone?

-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!

{Sighs}

-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable.

Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy

Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came

from!

{Cheering}

{Twittering}

-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.

- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two

stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!

-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.

-Hey. Oh, oh!

-I can't wait to get on the road again.

-What did I say about singing?

-Can I whistle?

-No.

-Can I hum it?

-All right, hum it.

{Humming}



{Grunts}

{Whimpering}

-That's enough. He's ready to talk.

{Coughing}

{Laughing}

{Clears throat}

-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the

gingerbread man!

-You are a monster.

-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy

tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the

others?

-Eat me!{Grunts}

-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached

its end! Tell me or I'll - -

-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.

-All right then. Who's hiding them?

-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?

-The muffin man?

-The muffin man.

-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?

-Well, she's married to the muffin man.

-The muffin man?

-The muffin man!

-She's married to the muffin man.

{Door opens}

-My lord! We found it.

-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.

{Man grunting}

{Gasping}

-Oh!

-Magic mirror - -

-Don't tell him anything!

-No!

{Ginerbread man whispers}

-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect

kingdom of them all?

-Well, technically you're not a king.

-Uh, Thelonius.

-You were saying?

-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All

you have to do is marry a princess.

-Go on.

{Chuckles}

-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to

meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette

number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.

She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking

and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.

-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of

fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just

kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come

on. Give it up for Snow White!

-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a

fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling

lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes

pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing,

Princess Fiona!

-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or

bachelorette number three?

-Two! Two!

-Three! Three!

-Two! Two!

-Three!

-Three? One?

{Shudders} Three?

--Three! Pick number three, my lord!

-Okay, okay, uh, number three!

-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.



If you like pina coladas

And getting caught in the rain



-Princess Fiona.



If you're not into yoga



-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - -

-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.

-I'll do it.

-Yes, but after sunset - -

-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will

finally have the perfect king!

Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.



-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd

find it.

-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.

-Uh-huh. That's the place.

-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?

{Laughs}

{Groans}

-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.

-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.

-Hey, you!

{Screams}

-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -

{Whimpering}

{Sighs}

{Whimpering, Groans}

{Turnstile clatters}

{Chuckles}

{Sighs}

-It's quiet. Too quiet.

{Creaking}

-Where is everybody?

-Hey, look at this!

{Clattering, whirring, clicking}

Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town

Here we have some rules

Let us lay them down

Don't make waves, stay in line

And we'll get along fine

DuLoc is perfect place

Please keep off of the grass

Shine your shoes, wipe your... face

DuLoc is, DuLoc is

DuLoc is perfect ...... place

{Camera shutter clicks

{Whirring}

-Wow! Let's do that again!

-No. No. No, no, no! No.

{Trumpet fanfare}

{Crowd cheering}

-Brave knights.

-You are the best and brightest in all the land.

-Today one of you shall prove himself - -

-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.

-Sorry about that.

{Cheering}

-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go

forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the

dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first

runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae

die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.

{Cheering}

-Let the tournament begin!

{Gasps}

-Oh!

-What is that?

{Gasping}

-It's hideous!

-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.

-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named

champion! Have it him!

-Get him!

-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.

-Go ahead! Get him!

-Can't we just settle this over a pint?

-Kill the beast!

-No? All right then. Come on!



I don't give a damn about my reputation

You're living in the past

It's a new generation



-Damn!

{Whinnying}



A girl can do what she wants to do

And that's what I'm gonna do

And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me

Me, me, me



-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!



And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Never said I wanted to improve my station



-Ah!

{Laughs}



And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun



-Yeah!



And I don't have to please no one



-The chair! Give him the chair!



And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me

Me, me, me

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me

{Bell dings}

{Cheering}

{Laughs}

-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till

Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!

{Shrek laughs}

{Crowd gasping, murmuring}

-Shall I give the order, sir?

-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!

-What?

-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great

and noble quest.

-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.

-Your swamp?

-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!

{Crowd murmuring}

-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for

me, and I'll give you your swamp back.

-Exactly the way it was?

-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.

-And the squatters?

-As good as gone.

-What kind of quest?

-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a

princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only

don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.

-Is that about right?

-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.

-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on

him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make

your bread, the whole orge trip.

-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and

put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and

drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?

-Uh, no, not really, no.

-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.

-Example?

-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.

-{Sniffs} They stink?

-Yes - - No!

-They make you cry?

-No!

-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little

white hairs.

-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have

layers. You get it? We both have layers.

{Sighs}

-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes

onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.

-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.

-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a

person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like

no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.

-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like

onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.

-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.

-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or

something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start

slobbering.



I'm on my way from misery to happiness today

Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today

Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

And everything that you receive up yonder

Is what you give to me the day I wander

I'm on my way

I'm on my way

I'm on my way



-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?

-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was

open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's

brimstone We must be getting close.

-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I

know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone

neither.

{Rumbling}

-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.

{Laughing}

-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?

-Oh, aye.

-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have

layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.

-Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.

-You know what I mean.

-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.

-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over

a boiling like of lava!

-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional

support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step

at a time.

-Really?

-Really, really.

-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.

-Just keep moving. And don't look down.

-Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on

moving. Don't look down.

{Gasps}

-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off,

please!

-But you're already halfway.

-But I know that half is safe!

-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.

-Shrek, no! Wait!

-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?

-Don't do that!

-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?

-Oh, this?

-Yes, that!

-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.

{Screams}

-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!

-You said do it! I'm doin' it.

-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!

-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.

-Cool.

-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?

-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.

{Chuckles}

-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.

{Water dripping, wind howling}

-You afraid?

-No.

-But - -

- Shh.

-Oh, good. Me neither.

{Gasps}

-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible

response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I

might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and

breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little

scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.

{Gasps}

-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if

you can find any stairs.

-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.

-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest

tower.

-What makes you think she'll be there?

-I read it in a book once.

-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those

stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way

they're goin'.

{Creacing}

-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with

me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a

step right here. I'd step all over it.

-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - -

-Dragon!

{Screams}

{Gasps}

{Roars}

-Donkey, look out!

{Screams}

{Whimpering}

-Got ya!

{Roars}

{Gasps}

{Shouts}

-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

{Screaming}

{Gasps}

-Oh! Aah! Aah!

{Gasping}

{Crowls}

-No. Oh, no, No!

{Screams}

-Oh, what large teeth you have.

{Crowls}

-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time

from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile

you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know

what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of

course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.

What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh.

Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - -

(Coughs)

-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna

blow smoke rings. Shrek!

{Gasps}

{Whimpering}

-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

{Groans, Sighs}

{Vocalizing}

-Oh! Oh!

-Wake up!

-What?

-Are you Princess Fiona?

-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.

-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!

-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be

a wonderful, romantic moment?

-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.

-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out

yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.

-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?

-Mm-hmm.

{Screams, grunts}

-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for

me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!

-I don't think so.

-Can I at least know the name of my champion?

-Um, Shrek.

-Sir Shrek.

{Cleans throat}

-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.

-Thanks!

{Roaring}

-You didn't slay the dragon?

-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!

{Screams}

-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn,

banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.

-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.

-That's not the point. Oh!

-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.

-Well, I have to save my ass.

-What kind of knight are you?

-One of a kind.

-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to

know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned.

{Laughs}

-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not

emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really

is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted

physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back

up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to

know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot,

but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - -

Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna

tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with

that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!

{Growls}

{Roaring}

{Gasps}

-Hi, Princess!

-It talks!

-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.

{Screams}

{Screaming}

-Oh!

{Thuds}

{Groans}

{Roars}

{Roaring}

-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.

{Fchoing}

-Run!

{Gasping}

{Screaming}

{Roaring}

{Screams}

{Roars}

{Panting, sighs}

{Whimpers}

{Roars}

-You did it!

-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful.

You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and

thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.

{Clears throat}

-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?

-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a

steed.

-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.

-Uh, no.

-Why not?

-I have helmet hair.

-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.

-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.

-But how will you kiss me?

-What? That wasn't in the job description.

-Maybe it's a perk.

-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in

a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then

they share true love's first kiss.

-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you

true love?

-Well, yes.

{Laughing}

-You think Shrek is your true love!

-What is so funny?

-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?

-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your

helmet.

-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.

-Just take off the helmet.

-I'm not going to.

-Take ot off.

-No!

-Now!

-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.

-You- - You're a- - an orge.

-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.

-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed

to be an orge.

{Sighs}

-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the

one who wants to marry you.

-Then why didn't he come rescue me?

-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.

-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- -

his pet.

-So much for noble steed.

-You're not making my job any easier.

-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad

that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right

here.

-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.

-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!

-Ya comin', Donkey?

-I'm right behind ya.

-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not

dignified! Put me down!

-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you,

right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down

real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a

crisp and eaten?

-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what

happens when you find your - - Hey!

{Sighs}

-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.

-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!

-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?

-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in

short supply.

{Laughs}

-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.

-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never

measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the

"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.

-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?

-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.

-But there's robbers in the woods.

-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.

-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this

forest.

-I need to find somewhere to camp now!

{Birds wings fluttering}

{Grunting}

-Hey! Over here.

-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a

princess.

-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.

-Homey touches? Like what?

{Crashing}

-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.

-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.

-I said good night!

-Shrek, What are you doing?

{Laughs}

-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.

{Fire cracking}

-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over

three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.

-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?

-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look,

there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.

-I know you're making this up.

-No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away

from his stench.

-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.

-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?

Forget it.

{Sighs}

-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?

-Our swamp?

-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.

-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my

swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my

land.

-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what

I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody

out.

-No, do ya think?

-Are you hidin' something?

-Never mind, Donkey.

-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?

-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.

-Why don't you want to talk about it?

-Why do you want to talk about it?

-Why are you blocking?

-I'm not blocking.

-Oh, yes, you are.

-Donkey, I'm warning you.

-Who you trying to keep out?

-Everyone! Okay?

-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.

-Oh! For the love of Pete!

-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?

-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that

seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go.

"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they

even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.

-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big,

stupid, ugly orge.

-Yeah, I know.

-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?

-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.

-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one

there?

-That's the moon.

-Oh, okay.



{Orchestra}

{Dulcimer}

-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the

princess.

-Hmph.

-Ah. Perfect.

{Inhales}



{Snoring}

{Vocalizing}

{Whistling}

{Sizzling}

{Sniffs, yawns}

-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.

--Come on, baby. I said I like it.

-Donkey, wake up.

-Huh? What?

-Wake up.

-What?

-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?

-Good morning, Princess!

-What's all this about?

-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to

make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.

-Uh, thanks.

{Sniffs}

-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.

{Belches}

-Shrek!

-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}

-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.

{Belches}

-Thanks.

-She's as nasty as you are.

-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.

-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.

{Vocalizing}



-La liberte! Hey!

-Princess!

{Laughs}

-What are you doing?

-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from

this green - -

{Kissing sounds}

-beast.

-Hey!

-That's my princess! Go find you own!

-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?

-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!

-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry

Men.

{Laughs}



{Accordion}

Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.

I steal from the rich and give to the needy.

He takes a wee percentage,

But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels

Man, I'm good

What a guy, Monsieur Hood

Break it down

I like an honest fight

and a saucy little maid

What he's basically saying

is he likes to get - -

Paid

So

When an orge in the bush

grabs a lady by the tush

That's bad

That's bad

When a beauty's with a beast

it makes me awfully mad

He's mad

He's really, really mad

I'll take my blade and

ram it through your heart

Keep your eyes on me, boys

'cause I'm about to start



{Grunts, Groans}

{Karate Yell}

{Merry Men Gasping}

{Panting}

-Man, that was annoying!

-Oh, you little- -

{Karate Yell}

{Accordion}

{Shouting, groaning}

{Chuckles}

-Uh, shall we?

-Hold the phone.

{Grunts}

Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?

-What?

-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?

-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these

things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!

-What? Oh, would you look at that?

-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

-Why? What's wrong?

-Shrek's hurt.

-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.

-Donkey, I'm okay.

-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep

you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the

Heimlich?

-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and

find me a blue flower with red thorns.

-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.

Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!

-{Both} Donkey!

-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.

-What are the flowers for?

-For getting rid of Donkey.

-Ah.

-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.

-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.

-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.

-No, it's tender.

-Now, hold on.

-What you're doing is the opposite of help.

-Don't move.

-Look, time out.

-Would you - -

{Grunts}

-Okay. What do you propose we do?

-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red

thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue

flower, red thorns.

-Ow!

-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!

-Ow! Not good.

-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.

{Grunts}

-It's just about - -

-Ow! Ohh!

-Ahem.

-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - -

-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?

-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was

just- - Ugh!

-Ow!

-Hey, what's that?

{Nervous chickle}

-That's- - Is that blood?

{Sighs}

{Bird chirping}

{Grunts}



My beloved monster and me

We go everywhere together

Wearin' a raincoat

that has four sleeves

Gets us through all kinds of weather



-Aah!



She will always be the only thing

That comes between me and the awful sting

That comes from living in a world

that's so damn mean

{Croaks}

Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

-Hey!

La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la

{Both laughing}

La-la, la-la, la-la



-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.

-That's DuLoc?

-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for

something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!

-Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.

-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.

{Blubbering}

-What?

-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.

-What are you talking about? I'm fine.

-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on

your back. Dead.

-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?

-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.

-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and

when I turn my head like this, look,

{Bones crunch}

-Ow! See?

-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.

-I'll get the firewood.

-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any

toes! I think I need a hug.



-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?

-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.

-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.

-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I

make a mean weedrat stew.

{Chuckling}

{Sighs}

-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.

{Gulps}

-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind

of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.

{Chuckles}

-I'd like that.

{Slurps, laughs}



See the pyramids along the Nile



-Um, Princess?



Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle



-Yes, Shrek?

-I, um, I was wondering.



Just remember, darling all the while



-Are you- -



You belong to me



{Sighs}

-Are you gonna eat that?

{Chuckles}

-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.

-Sunset?

-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.

-What?

-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,

aren't you?

-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.

-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until

- - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

{Shrek sighs}

-Good night.

-Good night.

{Door creaks}

-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.

-Oh, what are you talkin' about?

-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.

And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.

-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.

-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in

and tell her how you feel.

-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,

well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a

princess, and I'm - -

-An orge?

-Yeah. An orge.

-Hey, where you goin'?

-To get... move firewood.

{Sighs}



-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?

{Wings fluttering}

-Princess?

{Creaking}

{Gasps}

-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.

{Screams}

-Aah!

-Oh, no!

-No, help!

-Shh!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-No, it's okay. It's okay.

-What did you do with the princess?

-Donkey, I'm the princess.

-Aah!

-It's me, in this body.

-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?

-Donkey!

-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!

-No!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-Shh.

-Shrek!

-This is me.

{Muffled mumbling}

-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.

-I'm ugly, okay?

-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats

was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -

-No.

-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.

-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.

-It's only happens when sun goes down.

"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you

find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."

-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.

-It's a spell.

{Sighs}

-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I

become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to

await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry

Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.

{Sobs}

-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not

that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look

like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.

-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant

to look.

-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?

-I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.

-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you

got a lot in common.

-Shrek?



-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for

me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's

pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might

like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -

-

{Sighs}

-I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.

-I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I

mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?

"Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here

with Shrek.

{Gasps}

-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.

{Deep sigh}

-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only

way to break the spell.

-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.

-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.

-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?

-Promise you won't tell. Promise!

-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know

before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.

-Look at my eye twitchin'.

{Door opens}

{Snoring}

-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.

-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -

{Snoring}

-Shrek. Are you all right?

-Perfect! Never been better.

-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.

-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last

night.

-You heard what I said?

-Every word.

-I thought you'd understand.

-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly

beast?"

-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.

-Yeah? Well, it does.

{Gasps, sighs}

-Ah, right on time.

{Horse whinnies}

-Princess, I've brought you a little something.

{Fanfare}

{Yawns}

-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?

{Muffled}

-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.

-Princess Fiona.

-As promised. Now hand it over.

-Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.

-Take it and go before I change my mind.

-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I

have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.

-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.

{Snaps fingers}

-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.

-Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the

orge. It's not like it has feelings.

-No, you're right. It doesn't.

-Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in

marriage.

{Gasps}

-Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?

-Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - -

-Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!

-No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun

sets.

-Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's

so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest

list. Captain, round up some guests!

-Fare-thee-well, orge.

-Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.

-Yeah? So what?

-Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to

her last night, She's - -

-I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?

Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?

-Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.

-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!

My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,

pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!

-But I thought - -

-Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!

-Shrek.



I heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do ya

It goes like this the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall the major lift

The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Baby, I've been here before

I know this room I've walked this floor

I used to live alone before I knew you

I've seen your flag on the marble arch

But love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

And all I ever learned from love

Is how to shoot at someone

Who outdrew you

{Moaning}

And it's not a cry you can hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

{Moaning}

Hallelujah, hallelujah



{Thumping sound}

-Donkey?

{Grunts}

-What are you doing?

-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see

one.

-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not

through it.

-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.

-Oh! Your half. Hmm.

-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I

get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks

like your head.

-Back off!

-No, you back off.

-This is my swamp!

-Our swamp.

-Let go, Donkey!

-You let go.

-Stubborn jackass!

-Smelly orge.

-Fine!

-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.

-Well, I'm through with you.

-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess

what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are

mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!

You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.

-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?

-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!

-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in

the back!

-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your

own feelings.

-Go away!

-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she

ever do was like you, maybe even love you.

-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of

you talking.

-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody

else.

-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?

-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.

Right? Right?

-Donkey!

-No!

-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?

{Sighs}

-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you

forgive me?

-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?

-Right. Friends?

-Friends.

-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?

-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?

-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.

-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I

have a way.

{Whistles}

-Donkey?

-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.

{Laughing}

-Aw, come here, you.

-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.

All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install

the seat belts yet.

-Whoo!

{Bells tolling}

{All gasping}

-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....

-Um-

-of our new king - -

-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?

{Chuckling}

-Go on.

-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about

that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't

you?

-What are you talking about?

-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak

now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"

-I don't have time for this!

-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this

woman, don't you?

-Yes.

-You wanna hold her?

-Yes.

-Please her?

-Yes!

-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that

romantic crap!

-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?

-We gotta check it out.



-And so, by the power vested in me,

-What do you see?

-The whole town's in there.

-I now pronounce you husband and wife,

-They're at the altar.

-king and queen.

-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.

-Oh, for the love of Pete!

{Grunts}

-I object!

-Shrek?

{Gasps}

-Oh, now what does he want?

-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.

Very clean.

-What are you doing here?

-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but

showing up uninvited to a wedding - -

-Fiona! I need to talk to you.

-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll

excuse me - -

-But you can't marry him.

-And why not?

-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.

-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.

-He's not your true love.

-And what do you know about true love?

-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -

-Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess!

Oh, good Lord.

{Crowd laughting}

-An orge and a princess!

-Shrek, is this true?

-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away

from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!

-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.

{Whimpers}

{Crown gasping}

-Well, uh, that explains a lot.

-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of

my sight now! Get them! Get them both!

-No, no!

-Shrek!

-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that

makes me king! See? See?

-No, let go of me! Shrek!

-No!

-Don't just stand there, you morons.

-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!

-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and

quartered!

-You'll beg for death to save you!

-No, Shrek!

-And as for you, my wife,

-Fiona!

-I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!

-I'm king!

{Whistles}

-I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!

-Aah!

-All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to

use it.

{Roars}

-I'm a donkey on the edge!

{Belches}

-Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?

{Cheering}

-Go ahead, Shrek.

-Uh, Fiona?

-Yes, Shrek?

-I - - I love you.

-Really?

-Really, really.

- I love you too.

-Aawww!

-"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true

form."

-"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."

-Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?

-Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.

-But you ARE beautiful.

{Chuckles}

-I was hoping this would be a happy ending.



I thought love was only true in fairy tales

Oy!

Meant for someone else but not for me

Love was out to get me

That's the way it seemed

Disappointment haunted all my dreams

And then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer and not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

Ooh-aah

I'm a believer I couldn't leave her

If I tried



-God bless us, every one.



Come on, y'all!

Then I saw her face

Ha-ha

Now I'm a believer

Listen!

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

Ooh-aah

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

-Ooh!

-Uh!

Then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Hey!

Not a trace

Uhh! Yeah.

Of doubt in my mind



-One more time!

I'm in love

I'm a believer

Come on!

I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe,

I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey

Y'all sing it with me!

I

Believe

I believe

People in the back!

I believe

I'm a believer

I believe

I believe

I believe

I believe

{Hysterical laughing}

-Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.

-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.



I believe in self-assertion

Destiny or a slight diversion

Now it seems I've got my head on straight

I'm a freak an apparition

Seems I've made the right decision

To try to turn back now it might be too late



Now I want to stay home today

Don't wanna go out

If anyone comes to play

Gonna get thrown out

I wanna stay home today

Don't want no company

No way

Yeah, yeah, yeah



I wanna be a millionaire someday

But know what it feels like to give it away

Watch me march to the beat of my own drum

And it's off to the moon and then back again

Same old day Same situation

My happiness rears back as if to say



I wanna stay home today

Don't wanna go out

If anyone comes to play

Gonna get thrown out

I wanna stay home today

Don't want no company

No way

Yeah, yeah, yeah



I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........





I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes

My heart skips a beat

Girl, I feel so alive

Please tell me, baby, if all this is true

'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you

Oh-oh-oh

Makes me wanna dance

Oh-oh-oh

It's a new romance

Oh-oh-oh

I look into your eyes

Oh-oh-oh

The best years of our lives

When we first met

I could hardly believe

The things that would happen

and we could achieve

So let's be together

for all of our time

Oh, girl, I'm so thankful

that you are still mine

You always consider me

like an ugly duckling

And treat me like a Nostradamus

was why I had to get my shine on

I break a little something

to keep my mind on

'Cause you had my mind gone

Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh

Turn the lights on, Come on, baby

Let's just rewind the song

'Cause all I want to do is

make the rest years the best years

All night long



Oh-oh-oh

Makes me wanna dance

Makes me wanna dance

Oh-oh-oh

It's a new romance

It's a new romance

Oh-oh-oh

I look into your eyes

Oh, yeah, yeah

I look into your eyes

Oh-oh-oh

The best years of our lives

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............





Everything looks bright

Standing in your light

Everything feels right

What's left is out of sight

What's a girl to do

I'm telling you

You're on my mind

I wanna be with you

'Cause when you're

standin' next to me

It's like wow

And all your kisses

seem to set me free

It's like wow

And when we touch

it's such a rush

I can't get enough

It's like- - It's like

Ooh-ooh

Hey, what

It's like wow

Ooh-ooh, hey

Hey, yeah

It's like wow

Everything is looking

right now, right now

It's like wow

And I got this feeling

This feeling

it's just like wow

It's just like wow

You are all I'm thinking of.

Like wow

Everything feels right

Everything feels right

Like wow

Everything looks bright

All my senses are right

Like wow

Everything feels right

Baby, baby, baby

the way I'm feeling you

Is like wow



There is something

that I see

In the way

you look at me

There's a smile

There's a truth

In your eyes

What an unexpected way

On this unexpected day

Could it be

This is where I belong

It is you I have loved

All long

There's no more mystery

It is finally clear to me

You're the home

my heart's searched for

So long

It is you I have loved

All long

Whoa, over and over

I'm filled with emotion

As I look

Into your perfect face
 

GiveMeALoan

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512th message! Same age as me!
 

nfdegreu3i23r22r

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Chapter 1 WHEN I STEPPED OUT into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the moviehouse, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home. I was wishing Ilooked like Paul Newman--- he looks tough and I don't--- but I guess my own looks aren'tso bad. I have light-brown, almost-red hair and greenish-gray eyes. I wish they weremore gray, because I hate most guys that have green eyes, but I have to be content withwhat I have. My hair is longer than a lot of boys wear theirs, squared off in back and longat the front and sides, but I am a greaser and most of my neighborhood rarely bothers toget a haircut. Besides, I look better with long hair. I had a long walk home and no company, but I usually lone it anyway, for noreason except that I like to watch movies undisturbed so I can get into them and live themwith the actors. When I see a movie with someone it's kind of uncomfortable, like havingsomeone read your book over your shoulder. I'm different that way. I mean, my second-oldest brother, Soda, who is sixteen-going-on-seventeen, never cracks a book at all, andmy oldest brother, Darrel, who we call Darry, works too long and hard to be interested ina story or drawing a picture, so I'm not like them. And nobody in our gang digs moviesand books the way I do. For a while there, I thought I was the only person in the worldthat did. So I loned it. Soda tries to understand, at least, which is more than Darry does. But then, Sodais different from anybody; he understands everything, almost. Like he's never hollering atme all the time the way Darry is, or treating me as if I was six instead of fourteen. I loveSoda more than I've ever loved anyone, even Mom and Dad. He's always happy-go-luckyand grinning, while Darry's hard and firm and rarely grins at all. But then, Darry's gonethrough a lot in his twenty years, grown up too fast. Sodapop'll never grow up at all. Idon't know which way's the best. I'll find out one of these days. Anyway, I went on walking home, thinking about the movie, and then suddenlywishing I had some company. Greasers can't walk alone too much or they'll get jumped,The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton 3


or someone will come by and scream \"Greaser!\" at them, which doesn't make you feeltoo hot, if you know what I mean. We get jumped by the Socs. I'm not sure how you spellit, but it's the abbreviation for the Socials, the jet set, the West-side rich kids. It's like theterm \"greaser,\" which is used to class all us boys on the East Side. We're poorer than the Socs and the middle class. I reckon we're wilder, too. Notlike the Socs, who jump greasers and wreck houses and throw beer blasts for kicks, andget editorials in the paper for being a public disgrace one day and an asset to society thenext. Greasers are almost like hoods; we steal things and drive old souped-up cars andhold up gas stations and have a gang fight once in a while. I don't mean I do things likethat. Darry would kill me if I got into trouble with the police. Since Mom and Dad werekilled in an auto wreck, the three of us get to stay together only as long as we behave. SoSoda and I stay out of trouble as much as we can, and we're careful not to get caughtwhen we can't. I only mean that most greasers do things like that, just like we wear ourhair long and dress in blue jeans and T-shirts, or leave our shirttails out and wear leatherjackets and tennis shoes or boots. I'm not saying that either Socs orgreasers are better;that's just the way things are. I could have waited to go to the movies until Darry or Sodapop got off work.They would have gone with me, or driven me there, or walked along, although Soda justcan't sit still long enough to enjoy a movie and they bore Darry to death. Darry thinks hislife is enough without inspecting other people's. Or I could have gotten one of the gang tocome along, one of the four boys Darry and Soda and I have grown up with and considerfamily. We're almost as close as brothers; when you grow up in a tight-knit neighborhoodlike ours you get to know each other real well. If I had thought about it, I could havecalled Darry and he would have come by on his way home and picked me up, or Two-BitMathews--- one of our gang--- would have come to get me in his car if I had asked him,but sometimes I just don't use my head. It drives my brother Darry nuts when I do stufflike that, 'cause I'm supposed to be smart; I make good grades and have a high IQ andeverything, but I don't use my head. Besides, I like walking.The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton 4


I about decided I didn't like it so much, though, when I spotted that red Corvairtrailing me. I was almost two blocks from home then, so I started walking a little faster. Ihad never been jumped, but I had seen Johnny after four Socs got hold of him, and itwasn't pretty. Johnny was scared of his own shadow after that. Johnny was sixteen then. I knew it wasn't any use though--- the fast walking, I mean--- even before theCorvair pulled up beside me and five Socs got out. I got pretty scared--- I'm kind of smallfor fourteen even though I have a good build, and those guys were bigger than me. Iautomatically hitched my thumbs in my jeans and slouched, wondering if I could getaway if I made a break for it. I remembered Johnny--- his face all cut up and bruised, andI remembered how he had cried when we found him, half-conscious, in the comer lot.Johnny had it awful rough at home--- it took a lot to make him cry. I was sweating something fierce, although I was cold. I could feel my palmsgetting clammy and the perspiration running down my back. I get like that when I'm realscared. I glanced around for a pop bottle or a stick or something--- Steve Randle, Soda'sbest buddy, had once held off four guys with a busted pop bottle--- but there was nothing.So I stood there like a bump on a log while they surrounded me. I don't use my head.They walked around slowly, silently, smiling. \"Hey, grease,\" one said in an over-friendly voice. \"We're gonna do you a favor,greaser. We're gonna cut all that long greasy hair off.\" He had on a madras shirt. I can still see it. Blue madras. One of them laughed,then cussed me out in a low voice. I couldn't think of anything to say. There just isn't awhole lot you can say while waiting to get mugged, so I kept my mouth shut. \"Need a haircut, greaser?\" The medium-sized blond pulled a knife out of his backpocket and flipped the blade open. I finally thought of something to say. \"No.\" I was backing up, away from thatknife. Of course I backed right into one of them. They had me down in a second. Theyhad my arms and legs pinned down and one of them was sitting on my chest with hisThe Outsiders, S.E. Hinton 5


knees on my elbows, and if you don't think that hurts, you're crazy. I could smell EnglishLeather shaving lotion and stale tobacco, and I wondered foolishly if I would suffocatebefore they did anything. I was scared so bad I was wishing I would. I fought to getloose, and almost did for a second; then they tightened up on me and the one on my chestslugged me a couple of times. So I lay still, swearing at them between gasps. A blade washeld against my throat. \"How'd you like that haircut to begin just below the chin?\" It occurred to me then that they could kill me. I went wild. I started screaming forSoda, Darry, anyone. Someone put his hand over my mouth, and I bit it as hard as Icould, tasting the blood running through my teeth. I heard a muttered curse and gotslugged again, and they were stuffing a handkerchief in my mouth. One of them keptsaying, \"Shut him up, for Pete's sake, shut him up!\" Then there were shouts and the pounding of feet, and the Socs jumped up and leftme lying there, gasping. I lay there and wondered what in the world was happening---people were jumping over me and running by me and I was too dazed to figure it out.Then someone had me under the armpits and was hauling me to my feet. It was Darry. \"Are you all right, Ponyboy?\" He was shaking me and I wished he'd stop. I was dizzy enough anyway. I couldtell it was Darry though--- partly because of the voice and partly because Darry's alwaysrough with me without meaning to be. \"I'm okay. Quit shaking me, Darry, I'm okay.\" He stopped instantly. \"I'm sorry.\" He wasn't really. Darry isn't ever sorry for anything he does. It seems funny to methat he should look just exactly like my father and act exactly the opposite from him. Myfather was only forty when he died and he looked twenty-five and a lot of people thoughtThe Outsiders, S.E. Hinton 6


Darry and Dad were brothers instead of father and son. But they only looked alike--- myfather was never rough with anyone without meaning to be. Darry is six-feet-two, and broad-shouldered and muscular. He has dark-brownhair that kicks out in front and a slight cowlick in the back--- just like Dad's--- but Darry'seyes are his own. He's got eyes that are like two pieces of pale blue-green ice. They'vegot a determined set to them, like the rest of him. He looks older than twenty--- tough,cool, and smart. He would be real handsome if his eyes weren't so cold. He doesn'tunderstand anything that is not plain hard fact. But he uses his head. I sat down again, rubbing my cheek where I'd been slugged the most. Darry jammed his fists in his pockets. \"They didn't hurt you too bad, did they?\" They did. I was smarting and aching and my chest was sore and I was so nervousmy hands were shaking and I wanted to start bawling, but you just don't say that to Darry. \"I'm okay.\" Sodapop came loping back. By then I had figured that all the noise I had heardwas the gang coming to rescue me. He dropped down beside me, examining my head. \"You got cut up a little, huh, Ponyboy?\" I only looked at him blankly. \"I did?\" He pulled out a handkerchief, wet the end of it with his tongue, and pressed itgently against the side of my head. \"You're bleedin' like a stuck pig.\" \"I am?\" \"Look!\" He showed me the handkerchief, reddened as if by magic. \"Did they pulla blade on you?\"The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton 7
 

Funnychip098

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Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze
It means no worries
For the rest of your days
It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!
Why, when he was a young warthog
When I was a young wart-hoooog!
Very nice!
Thanks!
He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal
He could clear the Savannah after every meal
I'm a sensitive soul, though I seem thick-skinned
And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind
And oh, the shame
(He was ashamed!)
Thought of changin' my name
(Oh, what's in a name?)
And I got downhearted
(How did you feel?)
Every time that I-
Pumbaa! Not in front of the kids!
Oh... sorry
Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze
It means no worries
For the rest of your days
Yeah, sing it, kid!
It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!
 

Niffauw

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easy postfarm
 

kayn

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No matter if it's the first, second, or third server you've made, this is the place you'll need to go. Note that the "+" icon can be hidden if you have a lot of servers. Simply scroll down the server column to find where the "+" is hiding.
 

Jokki

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RSVP is short for, "Respondez, s'il vous plait," which means, simply, "Please respond" in French. That means you should respond either way, whether you're able to make it or not.
 

MTG

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what's the current record?
 
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