Longest Thread on MC-Market
- Thread starter Landon
- Start date
It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV But where are those good old-fashioned values On which we used to rely? Lucky there's a family guy Lucky there's a man who positively can do All the things that make us Laugh and cry He's a Fam ily Guy! Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.
This just in: Wanted fugitive, Bobby "The Shirt" Briggs, notorious for always wearing shirts while committing his crimes, has finally been caught after 15 years on the lam.
A police spokesperson was quoted as saying, "Duh, I'm a dumb cop.
I like to give Tom Tucker a ticket.
" I was going, like, 41.
Oh, my God, I don't believe it.
They finally got that son of a bitch, Briggs.
You know that guy? You're damn right, I do.
Bobby Briggs is the one who put me in this wheelchair.
They got him.
They finally got him.
Geez, Joe, you okay? Here, use my handkerchief.
It's wet and cold.
Well, yeah, it's my handkerchief.
I've been blowing my nose in it all day.
Wait a minute, Bobby Briggs is the one who crippled you? You always told us you fell off a roof during a fight with the Grinch.
I lied.
I lied because I was ashamed of the real story: that I let a vicious criminal get away.
What happened? Well, it was 1996.
Briggs was one of the biggest heroin dealers east of Providence, which is mostly just open water, but still, I'd been undercover, tracking his operation for six months and had finally gained his confidence.
I had almost gathered enough evidence to put Briggsaway for good, but I knew a taped confession would make the case a slam dunk.
This is gonna take us to the next level.
We're gonna be banging so many hot chicks with jeans up to their navels.
Bobby Briggs, you're really good at heroin.
How much heroin is here, Bobby Briggs? Why are you talking like that? Are you wearing a wire? Oh, you're dead, Joe Swansonson.
My undercover name was Swansonson.
Easy, Briggs.
You kill a cop, they'll put you away forever.
Then get ready to spend the rest of your life as a lame gimp with an annoying-voiced wife.
He'd met Bonnie.
Briggs got away, and I've been in this wheelchair ever since.
I like that you can tell me a story starting at the Clam and ending on a Ferris wheel.
Yeah, people are starving in Africa, and I'm at a carnival with my best buddies on a beautiful night.
Blessings.
Blessings.
So, Joe, it must feel great to finally have some closure with Bobby Briggs.
Yeah.
You know last night was the first time in 15 years I didn't strangle Bonnie in my sleep? Okay.
Hey, Dad, you're gonna want to see this.
Again recapping our breaking news, longtime fugitive Bobby Briggs has escaped from police custody.
His whereabouts are currently unknown.
News of Briggs's escape first broke on Telemundo, if you can believe that.
Escapo! Escapo! Escapo! Briggs reportedly escaped during a prison open house, an event that will most likely be canceled in the future.
No, no! I can't believe it.
Oh, don't worry, Joe, they'll get him back.
No, they won't! It took 15 years to catch him.
Well, this seems like a good time to be heading out.
I should be getting back anyway.
I left Rupert with a sitter.
Well, you know where everything is.
Feel free to help yourself to anything in the fridge.
And Mr.
Con Man here can have pudding or ice cream, not both.
Chief, can I have a word? Yeah, but first, you have to agree there's a huge difference between bisexual men and homosexual men.
Sure, Chief.
Thank you.
Huge.
What is it? Well, Chief, I'm here because I want you to put me on the Briggs case.
Absolutely not.
Come on, Chief! I know everything about Briggs.
I'm the only one who can catch him.
No, Swanson, you're too close to the case.
I'm putting Officers Grant and Casey on it because they're so far from the case, they don't care about it at all.
Hi, Chief.
Hi.
This isn't fair! Swanson, you know your assignment.
You get me the guy who's been rubbing his butt all over Dunkin' Donuts.
Can I help you? Not illegal.
Not illegal.
Show me the law.
Not illegal.
Hey, Joe, look, I know you're down about this Briggs thing, and that kind of bums me out, so I got you this Cookie Puss.
Isn't that funny? Look at that weird nose.
I think your nose is weird.
I think your nose is weird.
Guys, I'm telling you, I I just don't think I could live with Briggs on the lam for another 15 years.
Well, why don't you do something about it? I can't do anything about it.
The chief won't let me.
Joe, if they don't find this guy, it's gonna eat you alive for the rest of your life.
You got to take matters into your own hands.
You got to go after this guy.
But that's a breach of police protocol.
This isn't about you as a cop.
This is about you as a man.
Come on, what do you say? Quagmire and I will help you bring this guy to justice.
Peter, what did I say about you volunteering me for? All right, let's do it! Well, if you're gonna do it, you're gonna need someone who's very good at disguise.
Who said that? I'd love to go with you, but I can't.
I'm supposed to be the gift table at a Bar Mitzvah tomorrow.
All right, if we're gonna go after Briggs, this might be a good place to start.
I've spent the last 15 years gathering information on him, and it's all here.
Every crime he's committed, every associate he's Oh, look, Briggs was All-County JV swimming.
Well, I don't just focus on the negative.
Joe, your 25-year-old son and your baby daughter share a room just so you can keep a weirdo Beautiful Mind room? Isn't that a little bizarre? And then we dug the bullets out of that Iraqi family's skulls so they couldn't be traced back to us.
Today, I saw a balloon.
Briggs' FBI profile says the only relationship he's maintained over the years is with a stripper named Tanya.
Tax records show she currently works at a club in Atlantic City.
So that's our first stop.
Is there touching at the club? I-I-I don't know, Peter.
I'm Tom Tucker.
This just in: Wanted fugitive, Bobby "The Shirt" Briggs, notorious for always wearing shirts while committing his crimes, has finally been caught after 15 years on the lam.
A police spokesperson was quoted as saying, "Duh, I'm a dumb cop.
I like to give Tom Tucker a ticket.
" I was going, like, 41.
Oh, my God, I don't believe it.
They finally got that son of a bitch, Briggs.
You know that guy? You're damn right, I do.
Bobby Briggs is the one who put me in this wheelchair.
They got him.
They finally got him.
Geez, Joe, you okay? Here, use my handkerchief.
It's wet and cold.
Well, yeah, it's my handkerchief.
I've been blowing my nose in it all day.
Wait a minute, Bobby Briggs is the one who crippled you? You always told us you fell off a roof during a fight with the Grinch.
I lied.
I lied because I was ashamed of the real story: that I let a vicious criminal get away.
What happened? Well, it was 1996.
Briggs was one of the biggest heroin dealers east of Providence, which is mostly just open water, but still, I'd been undercover, tracking his operation for six months and had finally gained his confidence.
I had almost gathered enough evidence to put Briggsaway for good, but I knew a taped confession would make the case a slam dunk.
This is gonna take us to the next level.
We're gonna be banging so many hot chicks with jeans up to their navels.
Bobby Briggs, you're really good at heroin.
How much heroin is here, Bobby Briggs? Why are you talking like that? Are you wearing a wire? Oh, you're dead, Joe Swansonson.
My undercover name was Swansonson.
Easy, Briggs.
You kill a cop, they'll put you away forever.
Then get ready to spend the rest of your life as a lame gimp with an annoying-voiced wife.
He'd met Bonnie.
Briggs got away, and I've been in this wheelchair ever since.
I like that you can tell me a story starting at the Clam and ending on a Ferris wheel.
Yeah, people are starving in Africa, and I'm at a carnival with my best buddies on a beautiful night.
Blessings.
Blessings.
So, Joe, it must feel great to finally have some closure with Bobby Briggs.
Yeah.
You know last night was the first time in 15 years I didn't strangle Bonnie in my sleep? Okay.
Hey, Dad, you're gonna want to see this.
Again recapping our breaking news, longtime fugitive Bobby Briggs has escaped from police custody.
His whereabouts are currently unknown.
News of Briggs's escape first broke on Telemundo, if you can believe that.
Escapo! Escapo! Escapo! Briggs reportedly escaped during a prison open house, an event that will most likely be canceled in the future.
No, no! I can't believe it.
Oh, don't worry, Joe, they'll get him back.
No, they won't! It took 15 years to catch him.
Well, this seems like a good time to be heading out.
I should be getting back anyway.
I left Rupert with a sitter.
Well, you know where everything is.
Feel free to help yourself to anything in the fridge.
And Mr.
Con Man here can have pudding or ice cream, not both.
Chief, can I have a word? Yeah, but first, you have to agree there's a huge difference between bisexual men and homosexual men.
Sure, Chief.
Thank you.
Huge.
What is it? Well, Chief, I'm here because I want you to put me on the Briggs case.
Absolutely not.
Come on, Chief! I know everything about Briggs.
I'm the only one who can catch him.
No, Swanson, you're too close to the case.
I'm putting Officers Grant and Casey on it because they're so far from the case, they don't care about it at all.
Hi, Chief.
Hi.
This isn't fair! Swanson, you know your assignment.
You get me the guy who's been rubbing his butt all over Dunkin' Donuts.
Can I help you? Not illegal.
Not illegal.
Show me the law.
Not illegal.
Hey, Joe, look, I know you're down about this Briggs thing, and that kind of bums me out, so I got you this Cookie Puss.
Isn't that funny? Look at that weird nose.
I think your nose is weird.
I think your nose is weird.
Guys, I'm telling you, I I just don't think I could live with Briggs on the lam for another 15 years.
Well, why don't you do something about it? I can't do anything about it.
The chief won't let me.
Joe, if they don't find this guy, it's gonna eat you alive for the rest of your life.
You got to take matters into your own hands.
You got to go after this guy.
But that's a breach of police protocol.
This isn't about you as a cop.
This is about you as a man.
Come on, what do you say? Quagmire and I will help you bring this guy to justice.
Peter, what did I say about you volunteering me for? All right, let's do it! Well, if you're gonna do it, you're gonna need someone who's very good at disguise.
Who said that? I'd love to go with you, but I can't.
I'm supposed to be the gift table at a Bar Mitzvah tomorrow.
All right, if we're gonna go after Briggs, this might be a good place to start.
I've spent the last 15 years gathering information on him, and it's all here.
Every crime he's committed, every associate he's Oh, look, Briggs was All-County JV swimming.
Well, I don't just focus on the negative.
Joe, your 25-year-old son and your baby daughter share a room just so you can keep a weirdo Beautiful Mind room? Isn't that a little bizarre? And then we dug the bullets out of that Iraqi family's skulls so they couldn't be traced back to us.
Today, I saw a balloon.
Briggs' FBI profile says the only relationship he's maintained over the years is with a stripper named Tanya.
Tax records show she currently works at a club in Atlantic City.
So that's our first stop.
Is there touching at the club? I-I-I don't know, Peter.
poggers!
you're pretty long
if you see this
you are beautiful
-West_In_Pieces
you are beautiful
-West_In_Pieces
Go PebbleHost.. right? #GOGREEN!
No!
