Hey guys, so, I've been working on a story for quite a while now, and I think I'm ready to show some people the story. (Don't judge on grammar.)
Prologue
It all started a little while ago, I’m not even quite sure exactly when, the days and months have started to blend together, one after another. I feel as though he is mocking me, just waiting for me to go insane. As though he is waiting for his prey. I can feel his dark, ominous, presence towering over me. It started when my little brother disappeared. We thought maybe he ran away. Kids seem to do that. As the hours passed, one hour, two hours, by the third hour we began to worry, he had never ran away this long. It had started getting dark, and was now the 5th hour, so we called the enforcers.
As they looked around the community, they discovered his body, there were long, jagged gashes going down the back, reaching down to the back of his knee, these gashes were thick tearing through the bones as if it was paper. The enforcers were perplexed at what the possible verdict was. As they pondered the answer, it went to the council of our community as soon as they saw it, they went pale in their faces and about passed out. They immediately knew what it was. Twenty-four years ago there was a creature unlike any. It was long, and scaly, with only two arms, no legs. Its body was like a snake. At its head, its eyes were constantly glowing green; the only thing to know if it was even there in the dark. Its teeth, although small and contained in its mouth, as sharp as a razor. Its mouth stretched out reaching about one foot long. At the end of the mouth were two holes making his nose. This creatures are called Majinone. No one is sure where they come from, or where they go. They only know they come and go as they please; only to murder never to be seen.
As soon as the council realized this they told us to move, to leave, and to never come back. They explained that no one must know about this, or there would be complete panic. Immediately the enforcers helped pack our stuff, and we were on our way within a day. They moved us to a new community, in hopes that the Majinone would leave us both alone. We were still mourning from the death of my little brother, but we knew that was the least of our worries, considering that the Majinone may be after us. For the next few weeks we cowered in fear, and stayed inside of our confined home, together, alone, and scared. I’m terrified, actually petrified. I don’t even fully understand what the Majinone are. Why would they kill my little brother? It makes no sense.
After a month of being in the confinements of our house terrified to leave, my father realized we needed to get food or we would be out soon. We have only been outside of our house twice, one of the times when we moved. My father left to go to the trees for food at night. A fatal mistake. All we know is that after about three minutes of him being gone we heard his scream and never saw him again. We knew immediately there was no hope, there was no longer anyone in our family besides my mother and I, we knew that the Majinone had taken my father and my mother’s love.
It was getting late, we were extremely hungry, we needed to find a way to get off of this planet, before it was too late. we had decided there was no hope for us on Moonkton. We had found a radio from our old house and contacted the counsel; they were surprised to hear from us. We didn’t have long on the line, or it may be traced, but we had no choice. We were out of food, and we needed to get out. After some convincing they said they would try and build a ship, and would send an enforcer with food. Twelve days is enough time for us to get to the planet we discovered, known as Earth. It is inhabited by a species unknown to us, but seemed to have air we can breathe. This is our only chance we have no idea, we are all starting to go insane being stuck inside for so long, hungry and lonely. I could see my mom going insane, her eyes constantly empty. She no longer had hope, if I wasn’t with her, I’m sure she would have committed suicide.
A month, of despair, and isolation before the counsel finally contacted us. They said they had a ship, but it wouldn’t last on the planet, it was a one way trip, we knew we had no choice, but it’s still never nice to hear that you’ll never go home again. We were planning on leaving tomorrow. For now we are going to sleep for the last time on Moonkton.
Something woke me up, it was some sort of crash. Where did it come from though? As paranoid as I was I went to the worst possible conclusion, the Majinone were here. I got up worried I was right. As quietly as possible I walked around the house, slowly barely touching the ground scared for my life paranoid and thinking at any moment the Majinone were going to pop out and murder me. There was nothing anywhere until I got to my mother’s Sleeping ground. As I went I saw it was just vermin, I quickly shooed them out of our house and went back to sleep.
It was early, my mother was shaking me to get up. “Come, come! It’s time, we must leave now.” As soon as I heard that I was up and getting everything ready, we were unable to bring much but what we could we did. “OK, we must leave now.” My mother’s eyes were full of pain. Between my father dying and not only that but hearing his painful screams and knowing we could do nothing but also my little brother. He was still a youngling just barely able to climb the shortest trees. I was worried about my mom, and how she would react to the planet we were going to.
As we strapped ourselves into the ship I heard my mother mumble something I did not understand then it hummed on. Just like that we were off. The rush of the ship was amazing the pressure of leaving the atmosphere was nothing I have ever felt, as if someone is holding you down and someone is pushing you up at the same time. As soon as we left the atmosphere into space it all stopped the shipped slowed down, and I felt at peace. As if all my worries were behind me. I looked through the window and saw my mother crying. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or if she was just finally letting her feelings loose.
Over the course of the next few days I slept, meditated, and talked with my mother. The whole time I felt as though my mother was distant, as if she isn’t telling me something. After almost 2 weeks of being on the ship we were in the atmosphere of Earth. Soon we would be on our new home. I wonder what it would be like, a new environment, a new species. Of course we would need to blend in.
As we entered the atmosphere Alarms started blazing. Something was wrong. I immediately started to panic. Are we going to die? As I looked through the window at my mother she was smiling. Just sitting there. As if nothing was going on, as if nothing was wrong. This calmed me down. I don’t know if it was because she thought we were fine or not. Quickly we came into view of the surface. We weren’t slowing down. Faster, faster, we weren’t slowing down still. I looked over at my mother. She was still smiling in peace. We were almost at the ground. We’re going to crash! “Goodbye” those were the last words of my mother. I never figure out why she killed herself. In my seat where cushions triggered by the crash. In my mother’s there was nothing.
Groggily I stepped out of the ship. A little beat up, but I would be fine. Nearby the crash a large, yellow vehicle full of humans, crashed into a tree. There was a deep crater stopping a little before the bus. The bus in its front was smoking from the crash. Smaller humans stepped out of the vehicle, accompanied by a few larger humans. One of the braver, or more stupid boys advances towards the ship, curious what could have caused this. Closer. Closer. He stops. “Hey! Don’t go down there! Who knows what could have caused that crater!” A larger human exclaims to the boy. The boy decides to not heed the instructions and waves his hand signaling that he doesn’t care.
As he approached the ship he had a questioning look on his face. I could see him clearly. He had a dirty blond hair. More brown than blonde. He had blue glistening eyes. He looked happy. He looked strong. He was wearing a blue short sleeve shirt with no design, and jeans.
When he got to the ship he began wandering around it, curiously, then something intriguing happened. Something I myself had never seen until then. As he bent over to look into the ship on my deceased mother’s side it started glowing. Faintly at first then brighter. Quickly he jumped back startled, then curiosity got the best of him. He slowly inched towards the light. Then the light burst as if something had just let it loose. The light swirled him faster, faster, faster! Until it picked him up. From this direction it looked like a giant colorful bubble floating off. After a few minutes it came back down.
As he came down kids came rushing like a waterfall down to see him. Using my abilities I took an average of each of the male kids and made myself look like one. I could tell the boy felt dizzy. The other kids looked concerned for him. I snuck past the kids and reached into the ship. I grabbed a small tool. It looks almost like a spoon but has a single button and comes to a finer point. By pointing it at an individual it will erase their memory up to a week and a minimum of 20 minutes. We thought about using it so that we wouldn’t have to remember about all the wretched things that had happened on Moonkton. I decide this is the perfect chance. I quickly point the memory eraser at each person except for the boy. All the people are fazed for the next 10 minutes I quickly take them back onto the bus. As soon as I do that the bus driver wakes up from the crash. Quickly I take the boy and I and find seats.
A few seconds after we sat down everyone was questioning where they were. Of course, they were in different seats than they used to be. The bus driver just shrugged them off and started the bus. With everyone confused no one noticed the crater or me.
I would love some constructive criticism!
Prologue
It all started a little while ago, I’m not even quite sure exactly when, the days and months have started to blend together, one after another. I feel as though he is mocking me, just waiting for me to go insane. As though he is waiting for his prey. I can feel his dark, ominous, presence towering over me. It started when my little brother disappeared. We thought maybe he ran away. Kids seem to do that. As the hours passed, one hour, two hours, by the third hour we began to worry, he had never ran away this long. It had started getting dark, and was now the 5th hour, so we called the enforcers.
As they looked around the community, they discovered his body, there were long, jagged gashes going down the back, reaching down to the back of his knee, these gashes were thick tearing through the bones as if it was paper. The enforcers were perplexed at what the possible verdict was. As they pondered the answer, it went to the council of our community as soon as they saw it, they went pale in their faces and about passed out. They immediately knew what it was. Twenty-four years ago there was a creature unlike any. It was long, and scaly, with only two arms, no legs. Its body was like a snake. At its head, its eyes were constantly glowing green; the only thing to know if it was even there in the dark. Its teeth, although small and contained in its mouth, as sharp as a razor. Its mouth stretched out reaching about one foot long. At the end of the mouth were two holes making his nose. This creatures are called Majinone. No one is sure where they come from, or where they go. They only know they come and go as they please; only to murder never to be seen.
As soon as the council realized this they told us to move, to leave, and to never come back. They explained that no one must know about this, or there would be complete panic. Immediately the enforcers helped pack our stuff, and we were on our way within a day. They moved us to a new community, in hopes that the Majinone would leave us both alone. We were still mourning from the death of my little brother, but we knew that was the least of our worries, considering that the Majinone may be after us. For the next few weeks we cowered in fear, and stayed inside of our confined home, together, alone, and scared. I’m terrified, actually petrified. I don’t even fully understand what the Majinone are. Why would they kill my little brother? It makes no sense.
After a month of being in the confinements of our house terrified to leave, my father realized we needed to get food or we would be out soon. We have only been outside of our house twice, one of the times when we moved. My father left to go to the trees for food at night. A fatal mistake. All we know is that after about three minutes of him being gone we heard his scream and never saw him again. We knew immediately there was no hope, there was no longer anyone in our family besides my mother and I, we knew that the Majinone had taken my father and my mother’s love.
It was getting late, we were extremely hungry, we needed to find a way to get off of this planet, before it was too late. we had decided there was no hope for us on Moonkton. We had found a radio from our old house and contacted the counsel; they were surprised to hear from us. We didn’t have long on the line, or it may be traced, but we had no choice. We were out of food, and we needed to get out. After some convincing they said they would try and build a ship, and would send an enforcer with food. Twelve days is enough time for us to get to the planet we discovered, known as Earth. It is inhabited by a species unknown to us, but seemed to have air we can breathe. This is our only chance we have no idea, we are all starting to go insane being stuck inside for so long, hungry and lonely. I could see my mom going insane, her eyes constantly empty. She no longer had hope, if I wasn’t with her, I’m sure she would have committed suicide.
A month, of despair, and isolation before the counsel finally contacted us. They said they had a ship, but it wouldn’t last on the planet, it was a one way trip, we knew we had no choice, but it’s still never nice to hear that you’ll never go home again. We were planning on leaving tomorrow. For now we are going to sleep for the last time on Moonkton.
Something woke me up, it was some sort of crash. Where did it come from though? As paranoid as I was I went to the worst possible conclusion, the Majinone were here. I got up worried I was right. As quietly as possible I walked around the house, slowly barely touching the ground scared for my life paranoid and thinking at any moment the Majinone were going to pop out and murder me. There was nothing anywhere until I got to my mother’s Sleeping ground. As I went I saw it was just vermin, I quickly shooed them out of our house and went back to sleep.
It was early, my mother was shaking me to get up. “Come, come! It’s time, we must leave now.” As soon as I heard that I was up and getting everything ready, we were unable to bring much but what we could we did. “OK, we must leave now.” My mother’s eyes were full of pain. Between my father dying and not only that but hearing his painful screams and knowing we could do nothing but also my little brother. He was still a youngling just barely able to climb the shortest trees. I was worried about my mom, and how she would react to the planet we were going to.
As we strapped ourselves into the ship I heard my mother mumble something I did not understand then it hummed on. Just like that we were off. The rush of the ship was amazing the pressure of leaving the atmosphere was nothing I have ever felt, as if someone is holding you down and someone is pushing you up at the same time. As soon as we left the atmosphere into space it all stopped the shipped slowed down, and I felt at peace. As if all my worries were behind me. I looked through the window and saw my mother crying. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or if she was just finally letting her feelings loose.
Over the course of the next few days I slept, meditated, and talked with my mother. The whole time I felt as though my mother was distant, as if she isn’t telling me something. After almost 2 weeks of being on the ship we were in the atmosphere of Earth. Soon we would be on our new home. I wonder what it would be like, a new environment, a new species. Of course we would need to blend in.
As we entered the atmosphere Alarms started blazing. Something was wrong. I immediately started to panic. Are we going to die? As I looked through the window at my mother she was smiling. Just sitting there. As if nothing was going on, as if nothing was wrong. This calmed me down. I don’t know if it was because she thought we were fine or not. Quickly we came into view of the surface. We weren’t slowing down. Faster, faster, we weren’t slowing down still. I looked over at my mother. She was still smiling in peace. We were almost at the ground. We’re going to crash! “Goodbye” those were the last words of my mother. I never figure out why she killed herself. In my seat where cushions triggered by the crash. In my mother’s there was nothing.
Groggily I stepped out of the ship. A little beat up, but I would be fine. Nearby the crash a large, yellow vehicle full of humans, crashed into a tree. There was a deep crater stopping a little before the bus. The bus in its front was smoking from the crash. Smaller humans stepped out of the vehicle, accompanied by a few larger humans. One of the braver, or more stupid boys advances towards the ship, curious what could have caused this. Closer. Closer. He stops. “Hey! Don’t go down there! Who knows what could have caused that crater!” A larger human exclaims to the boy. The boy decides to not heed the instructions and waves his hand signaling that he doesn’t care.
As he approached the ship he had a questioning look on his face. I could see him clearly. He had a dirty blond hair. More brown than blonde. He had blue glistening eyes. He looked happy. He looked strong. He was wearing a blue short sleeve shirt with no design, and jeans.
When he got to the ship he began wandering around it, curiously, then something intriguing happened. Something I myself had never seen until then. As he bent over to look into the ship on my deceased mother’s side it started glowing. Faintly at first then brighter. Quickly he jumped back startled, then curiosity got the best of him. He slowly inched towards the light. Then the light burst as if something had just let it loose. The light swirled him faster, faster, faster! Until it picked him up. From this direction it looked like a giant colorful bubble floating off. After a few minutes it came back down.
As he came down kids came rushing like a waterfall down to see him. Using my abilities I took an average of each of the male kids and made myself look like one. I could tell the boy felt dizzy. The other kids looked concerned for him. I snuck past the kids and reached into the ship. I grabbed a small tool. It looks almost like a spoon but has a single button and comes to a finer point. By pointing it at an individual it will erase their memory up to a week and a minimum of 20 minutes. We thought about using it so that we wouldn’t have to remember about all the wretched things that had happened on Moonkton. I decide this is the perfect chance. I quickly point the memory eraser at each person except for the boy. All the people are fazed for the next 10 minutes I quickly take them back onto the bus. As soon as I do that the bus driver wakes up from the crash. Quickly I take the boy and I and find seats.
A few seconds after we sat down everyone was questioning where they were. Of course, they were in different seats than they used to be. The bus driver just shrugged them off and started the bus. With everyone confused no one noticed the crater or me.
I would love some constructive criticism!
